


Shallow Cuts; Hollow Eyes

by Suchafangirl23



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Dean Needs A Hug, Dean is bad at emotions, M/M, Sad Dean, trigger warning for self harm and suicidal thoughts, worried cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-01-15 03:56:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12313296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suchafangirl23/pseuds/Suchafangirl23
Summary: Depressed Dean.Worried Castiel.Self harm and suicidal thoughts.Things get better.Eventually.





	1. Chapter 1

Dean's hand trembles as he watches the thin ribbon of blood bloom from the thin incision on his upper arm. The razor clanks into the sink, the bright red against the startling and pure white reminds him of the story of Snow White; when her mother pricked her finger and the red bloomed against the snow. He presses a rag to the bleeding cuts that line his arm, wincing as he presses just a bit too hard on the damaged skin. Reaching for the first aide kit he had set on the counter, he pulls out gauze and bandages. He wraps them expertly and hides the white bandages under his long sleeved flannel. He looks at himself in the mirror but quickly looks away. He knows how ugly and useless he is. He doesn't need a reminder or else the craving for the bite of steel will come back and he's been doing good this week; only having to cut four times. He doesn't want to ruin his personal best. Looking at his arm, he tugs the flannel down one last time and then he exists the bathroom.He heads quickly to his room and logs onto his computer, smiling when he sees a message from Cas. 

Cas: Hello, Dean. 

Dean: Heya, cas :)

Cas: How are you? Are you sick? I missed you at school today :( Meg wouldn't leave me alone.

Dean winces, feeling guilty that he hadn't attended school today. He just couldn't bring himself to get out of his bed. He had just felt so...empty and painfully sad.

Dean: ...Sorry cas I woke up not feeling too good so I just stayed home. I'm sorry about meg, she just really likes you, man

"Not that I can blame her," Dean mumbles to himself. 

His best friend was breathtakingly beautiful. With his messy raven hair, strong jaw, impeccable lips and a low and raspy voice. Not to mention his incredible bright blue eyes framed with perfect black lashes. Yeah. He really couldn't blame Meg for falling for Cas. It was hard not too.

Cas: Oh no :(! Are you feeling better now? Was it a stomach bug? I hear it's been going around. Well, I wish she didn't. She's not really my type.

Dean: Yea im ok cas. I know but you cant blame a girl for trying

Cas: Good. I'm glad and yes, I can.

Dean: lol

Cas: You want me to bring over your homework?? We can work on it together if you want.

Dean smiles for the first time that day. Seeing his best friend always helps on his dark days.

Dean: that'd be awesome cas!

Cas: Okay, see you soon, Dean. :)

He closes his laptop and falls back on his bed. The hollow feeling's coming back and he rubs a hand against his chest, fighting away the tears that are coming forth for no reason. He sits up and rests his elbows on his too bony knees and puts his head in his hands. Why does he feel so terrible? He's being feeling like this for the last two months and he doesn't understand why which pisses him off. He just feels anxious all the time and tired. He feels useless and broken. The cutting being the only thing that's been able to pull him out of his head. He feels numb, like he's submerged under water.

He pushes himself up and begins cleaning up his room. He stacks his books on his desk and puts his dirty close in the hamper. Things need to look normal for Cas or else he'll start to worry and there isn't reason for him too. Dean's perfectly fine.

The cuts itch and sting under the bandages.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean's bedroom door opens with a squeak and the next thing he knows, there's another person laying on his bed beside him; staring up at the painted blue ceiling. A doppy smile curves his lips. "Heya, Cas," he says quietly, looking over and meeting his best friend's beautiful blue eyes. 

Cas has a smile of his own. "Hello, Dean," he says back, "are you feeling any better?" he asks with a worried frown. 

Dean laughs uneasily and tugs his bandaged arm away from Cas. He nods. "Yeah, man. I'm okay now. Just peachy." He flashes a smile and prays it doesn't look as lifeless as it feels, plastered to his face. 

A smile is the best mask, after all. Dean wishes someone could see the string behind his head.

Cas doesn't look convinced but he nods, deciding to let it go and Dean is beyond grateful. He watches as Cas pulls out their honework; admiring the long fingers that would fit so perfectly between his. Cas pulls out two pencils as well which makes Dean chuckle. Cas is always prepared. It's charming, in Dean's opinion. 

"So, in psychology," Cas says, flipping through his textbook that is sat on his lap, "you missed an interesting discussion about depression and depressive personalities." He taps a tan digit on the bold word and begins to read the definition out loud, "Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. ... Feeling sad or having a depressed mood. The signs are usually lack of sleep, not eating properly, mood swings, lack of interest, etc."

Dean squirms, uncomfortable about how easily Cas is reading about it. He feels like he's been put on the spot on his instincts are telling him to flee. Cas continues reading but Dean can't hear his deep voice anymore. He picks unconsciously at his sleeve, feeling the tenderness of the new cuts and lets out a tiny wince. 

"Dean?"


End file.
